The Problem with Gifted Kids

To continue with evidence and solutions for the previously listed crises, I would like to submit this article. This confirms my earlier suspicions that what I need now is a new approach.

Crises

I have been gone for a long, long time. Where am I now? I live in Bushwick, an area of Brooklyn that used to be known for its exceptional murder rate but is now growing more and more gentrified. It is in a state of transition so rapid that there are daily changes. I found a vegan bar in my neighborhood, no joke.

New York is fantastic, but I'm not here to talk about New York, at least not in the context of why I like it. What I am feeling now, and what has pulled me back to this blog is a sense of disappointment and displacement. Suddenly, I have become someone petty, a person who views the accomplishments of others as a mark of failure in herself. Obviously that's a flawed point of view, but it has led me back to the same crisis, the same questions - what makes me who I am? Will I do anything important with my life?

I have learned the difference between promise and talent. I have always had promise (I think) but now that promise has lead nowhere. I have not written anything I've liked since grad school. I have not felt intelligent since I moved here. I have not picked up where I left off in California, doing readings or podcasts or anything that would give me a sense of identity or purpose. Will promise end and settle into mediocrity? Is that such a terrible thing? Can I accept it?

My responses to this feeling have been to attempt writing again and to try to pick up a new independent study. But where to start with my new life as an autodidact? And how to convince myself to keep writing without feedback when I am my own worst critic? I have come to the decisions that 1) I must keep writing. If I don't work through the hard times, I might quit forever. and 2) It doesn't really matter what I study. The mind comes up with its own conclusions using whatever media it has available to it. The idea is to read, learn, think, and write.

But where am I headed? What should I do to prepare for it? Should I relax and hope things fall into place, or should I burn the midnight oil and work and work and work? This is why I come back to the blog. I would like your help. This will hopefully be the first of several posts where I slowly but surely figure it out or at least work through it. I have been making strides so far, but I feel like I am closer to some understanding. I would like to understand it in words so that I can remember it and refer back.

Prose and Cons

Okay guys, listen up. I know you've all stopped following my blog, but it's time to rejoin the throngs. Starting in January, I will be hosting (with Justine Middleton) a new fiction and nonfiction show called Prose and Cons. Are we the cons? Is Rafael the con? Are we all cons here? Who knows, but it's a crime not to have a good prose show already, right? So, the show is on World Wide Word Radio Network, basically a sister show to the Moe Green Poetry Discussion. So far we've booked Nick Flynn for January, and I'm reading some badass books sent through Norton that I think would make for good shows. So keep an ear out. I'll be posting updates here and through facebook. Especially if I can figure out how to stream the show from here (and I think I can!). Yeah, I see html thingies up near the top, so I think this will work out.

Wow, I'm pretty gross.

Wow, let me update you, blog. I've been not updating at all, and as far as the blogging world is concerned, it looks like I've been in Hong Kong a long time. Not so! I will not tell all that has been happening. Suffice it to say enough. Enough enough. Too much maybe? Maybe.

I've been thinking of updating for a while. I like to travel to my page and look at my octopus girl at the top. So in love with the giant hand that's captured her. He is probably not a giant. She is probably very small.

Here is why I'm updating now. I received an email from the editor of GUD magazine with a forwarded message from Matt Dennison saying that he found his name on my blog and wanted to get in touch. Haha, of course I made a giant fool of myself and expressed my unashamed love stalker style and added him immediately to facebook. Can we say crazy 22-year-old writer girl, anyone? Obsessed fan is easier to say, I guess.

I've only really had two fans who didn't know me first, and they both lost interest pretty quickly. Aw. I don't need fans. I have cats. Plus one of these "fans" started pushing the I-think-you're-attractive angle a little too quickly. I'll stroke your ego if you stroke my-- lol. I should use that line someday. Maybe it'll slut me up and build my rep. Ugh, I try too hard to be clever.

Anyway, what I really wanted to write about here was older men. I've discovered something important (in my forray (spelling? I have no excuse for misspelling online. Only laziness. Which seems like a wonderful excuse at the moment) into the dating world) and that is that even though I'm attracted to older men, I can't trust the older men who are interested in me. It's a catch 22. I am doomed to men my own age. No, I can find a way around it. The Annie Hall paradox line that I'm about to butcher says something about not wanted to be a part of any club that would except him as a member. The way it works here is that if any older man is interested in dating a 22 year old, there must be something wrong with him, and he then becomes undatable. Bah! I guess the secret is to just pursue the good ones relentlessly until they give in. This has been my strategy. I am the perv here, not you. But seriously, the last guy I dated was way older, and the problem was that he thought he was way smarter than I am. I would like to think this is not true (and I'm actually pretty sure I'm correct in this assessment (I'm smart, dammit!)), but either way, he's totally an asshole for suggesting it. Why do I go for assholes? Why can't smart guys be nice? It shouldn't be either/or. Somehow it always seems to be. Omar was brilliant and not an asshole. Omar was really really nice and really really smart. And he had the ability of making me feel not nice and not smart. But this was me, and not him. This gives me hope. Most other people I dated were either/or. Sorry exes. If you're reading this, then I probably don't mean you, lol.

The whole dating thing is a little ridiculous. You are a stranger, but I want you to connect with me on the deepest level. I need you to! And like me. For God's sake, like me. I am a crazy person. I have accepted this, but in accepting it, I hide less. And dating is all about hiding everything. You can't be crazy. No one wants to date a crazy person. I, Alicia Adams, am a crazy person. I have accepted this. Really, I just want someone to love me for all my craziness. Instead of despite it. Haha, in a million years I'll find this person, maybe. And for now I'll romp and roll on my own. Romp romp romp. Watch me gnash my teeth. Are you watching? Some day they'll all be drilled away, and then I'll gum your arm. Love me, I'll say, as the nerve endings circle your wrist.

In Hong Kong!

China update in the form of a letter to Omar (I just copy/pasted my email to save time). Enjoy!


How did you write a message from the plane? Blackberry? Crazy! I just woke up, a little after 6:30 AM July 5th in Hong Kong. In CA right now it's 3:30 PM on July 4th. I guess no fireworks yet. I don't know what time it is where you are or even where you sent the last email from/over. We only spent 3 hours in Korea. I get to cross sleeping-on-the-floor-of-a-Korean-airport off my bucket list. Woot! I am staying on the 34th(?) floor of a huge HK apartment complex with Ice's sister, brother-in-law, and niece. We had dinner with the whole family (which was surprisingly and amazingly delicious), Everyone is really nice. Due to a little mix up we might not be able to go to Tibet, and we're staying here for four days. The problem was the tour, so were thinking of just flying over there and doing our own thing or joing a tour once we get there. Anyway, shopping for today, visiting the giant Buddha tomorrow hopefully.

I want to tell you so much what it's like here in Hong Kong. For one thing, it's humid as shit. Like literal shit, if you were inside it. It's hot and malodorous and wet. It was raining when we got here, but it stopped. From the 34th floor I can see a giant giant crazy huge cemetery, huge apartment complexes, a port, and mountains. A lot of people speak English, so I'm not really feeling any culture shock at all. The city looks and feels different, but it's mostly the little things that catch my attention. Like, in Korea, the gendered bathrooms are designated with stick figures- one regular and one with a triangle skirt.

The main flight over was amazing in itself. I can't wait to share everything with you and have you share your trips with me. I love you! Have fun!

reading

I will be reading here along with many fantastic writers and friends.


ARTMATTERS LONG BEACH
at Tour Des Artistes 2009
Host: Devin O'Neill
Type: Music/Arts - Performance
Network: Global
Date: Saturday, June 13, 2009
Time: 5:00pm - 9:00pm
Location: The Dome Room
Street: 528 E. Broadway
City/Town: Long Beach, CA


DescriptionJoin us as Devin O’Neill hosts series of dynamic and engaging presentations about the role of art in our lives, communities, and social dialog.

After a short introduction we’ll begin with “Art and Community”—a boundary-pushing exploration of the ways art connects people together, covering conversations from a more conventional definition of communal art all the way to the presentation of a boardgame designed around the genocide in former Yugoslavia.

Our second panel, “Art and Social Change,” explores the incisive ways art can deconstruct our politics and penetrate the group mind; highlights include a presentation on art’s inherent fascism.

This will be followed by readings from some of the finest writers of the Long Beach and greater L.A area, and a short interlude of live music during which you’ll have the opportunity to peruse pieces by, and curated by, some of Cal State Long Beach’s most talented students and alumni.

-from the official press release, more details forthcoming.

http://tourdart.com/attractions.html

denver syntax

ms. adams,

wonderful work.

thank you for your submission to syntax.

i greatly enjoyed what i read and would like to include your story for inclusion into this upcoming issue of syntax, due out this week.

you will receive a notification when the issue goes live.

please, submit more work in the future. in the interim, i will investigate vulcan.

best regards,

Jonathan Bitz
Editor
syntax
www.denversyntax.com