The Problem with Gifted Kids

To continue with evidence and solutions for the previously listed crises, I would like to submit this article. This confirms my earlier suspicions that what I need now is a new approach.

Crises

I have been gone for a long, long time. Where am I now? I live in Bushwick, an area of Brooklyn that used to be known for its exceptional murder rate but is now growing more and more gentrified. It is in a state of transition so rapid that there are daily changes. I found a vegan bar in my neighborhood, no joke.

New York is fantastic, but I'm not here to talk about New York, at least not in the context of why I like it. What I am feeling now, and what has pulled me back to this blog is a sense of disappointment and displacement. Suddenly, I have become someone petty, a person who views the accomplishments of others as a mark of failure in herself. Obviously that's a flawed point of view, but it has led me back to the same crisis, the same questions - what makes me who I am? Will I do anything important with my life?

I have learned the difference between promise and talent. I have always had promise (I think) but now that promise has lead nowhere. I have not written anything I've liked since grad school. I have not felt intelligent since I moved here. I have not picked up where I left off in California, doing readings or podcasts or anything that would give me a sense of identity or purpose. Will promise end and settle into mediocrity? Is that such a terrible thing? Can I accept it?

My responses to this feeling have been to attempt writing again and to try to pick up a new independent study. But where to start with my new life as an autodidact? And how to convince myself to keep writing without feedback when I am my own worst critic? I have come to the decisions that 1) I must keep writing. If I don't work through the hard times, I might quit forever. and 2) It doesn't really matter what I study. The mind comes up with its own conclusions using whatever media it has available to it. The idea is to read, learn, think, and write.

But where am I headed? What should I do to prepare for it? Should I relax and hope things fall into place, or should I burn the midnight oil and work and work and work? This is why I come back to the blog. I would like your help. This will hopefully be the first of several posts where I slowly but surely figure it out or at least work through it. I have been making strides so far, but I feel like I am closer to some understanding. I would like to understand it in words so that I can remember it and refer back.