On Japan

Fadi is in Japan teaching. He makes it sound really good except for the snow/rain, temperature, and food. I like Japanese food, so that's one down for me. And as for eating mushy things (which was his main complaint), I am part Taiwanese, and we eat Chinese food all the time. I didn't like Korean food, but that was only because it was all meat. So, while people say "Teach in Korea, there's way more money," I say, "No. I like Japanese food better, and Fadi's there already, so it would be way more fun." I would rather teach in Taiwan than Korea, because Taiwan is one of my countries of origin, but no. Taiwan is not the same anymore. It's a more expensive China at this point. Taiwan is gone. Not that I was ever even acknowledged by my Taiwanese grandfather. The closest I ever got to him was being at his funeral, where I got to see a closed wooden box that his body was most likely inside. Yes, Japan. I could probably take my cat, but I don't think I would. Maybe.

In February, I'm doing zazenkai, which is group meditation. I'm doing a really short session from 5AM to 2PM, but there are much longer sessions. My dad did one that was five days long. The good thing about Japan, also, is that I could go on a spritual journey. In zen you don't even need to know the language. I watched a German movie at my current zen temple called "Enlightenment Guarenteed" about two German brothers who go to Japan for a spiritual journey. And they end up with nothing, and they return with nothing. But they're changed. And it's great. I recommend it to everyone. It's a comedy.

I don't feel right. I have a lot of things going for me and a lot of things I want and can't have. And I just feel out of place. What am I doing? The thing about the MFA is that everyone's competing for the same fucking things. There are a few things I really want to do, and I've always wanted to do them, and of course, everyone else wants the same things. And I want to tell them to just get the fuck away. It's a problem. It's a major problem. I need to calm down. I really do. I don't know if it's ego or if it's just the disappointment of realizing that I'm not the most ambitious person, and that I really have to compete with people who could potentially be my friends. It sucks. It really does.