Is a terrible book. I tried to read it before the movie came out, so that I could read something "popular," something that my kind "should" read. The movie was better, but not good either. However, I'm watching it on tv as I type. And what have I learned?
"I try so hard" *whimper*
"Come on, Andy, you are not trying. You are whining."
That's me. What have I been doing? Trying? No, whining. Later on in the same conversation, Nigel tells Andrea, "I could fill your job in five minutes with someone who would actually want it."
How lucky am I to be in the MFA? So lucky. How many people want to murder me to take this spot? A bunch, that's how many. I should be grateful and not whiney. I'm just like that girl I don't like who has everything, uses everyone, and complains about everything. How did I get here? I'm very disappointed.
Detector
1 day ago
3 comments:
Don't be so hard on yourself--or hard on yourself at all, actually; you're not Jessica. Yes, you're in the MFA, and being in an MFA program is a huge honor. But, all of the complaining being done (I say that to include complaining done by other people as well, not to make it sound like you've done a lot of complaining) is not unfounded. People who either are or have been in the program are earnestly telling would-be applicants NOT to bother. There's a reason for that. The tenured faculty all write the same fucking story and poem and, instead of caring about helping their students, mechanically ascribe them points and grades based on their ability to write that story or poem. An apathetic faculty creates a competitive and unfeeling student body. There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting solidarity, and feeling bad--and, yes, COMPLAINING about--the fact that it is so conspicuously absent from the CSULB writing community. All most people associated with it care about is themselves. Feeling sad, depressed or whatever about that probably just means that you have a soul.
On the other hand, you shouldn't worry about being just like the pretentious assholes in the program because you want a teaching job that everybody else also wants. The fact that you worry is a good thing; it means you're warm, caring, congenial, generous, etc. You would be a great 205 teacher.
Now, it's time to pull out the guns you usually reserve for me: I can't even begin to imagine how stuck you must feel right now, but don't forget that you're the youngest person in the program. I think that makes you the most competitive person by default.
It wasn't luck that got you into the program. It was your writing. Your a very good writer. Luck played a minor role in your admission, if it played any role at all.
Stop feeling bad about complaining. It's the first step in figuring out how you're going to make this program work for you. And you're going to do that. You're having these realizations early on and you have time to navigate things in a way that maximizes what you get out of the process.
So hang in there. Maybe get a bunch of people together and go see Eileen Klink. Maybe.
It would be far more worrisome if these things didn't upset you. And you know what they say - awareness is the first step on the path to tranquility.
Post a Comment